How has your upbringing shaped where you are today?

• “I would say that for the most part, it was a very typical Carribbean home. Where Sunday’s we had Jamaican breakfast and my mom cleaned. Hm, so who I think I am.  There were always expectations instilled, like specifically as far cas college and education.That was never an option…maybe I’ll go, maybe I won’t. I knew I will. I think that hit me the hardest maybe middle school, I remember my friends were all getting ready to go to high school and thinking about next steps. 7th grade applied to this program to go to this boarding school, but it was weird because they said I was too close. So it was this wierd grey area. That didn’t happen, so I was thinking oh, I’ll go to Mt. Vernon HS and Mt. Vernon HS did not have a good reputation at all. But, in 8th grade I was just like I guess I’m going to go to the HS my  with my friend and my mom sat me down and she was like absolutely not. You are smart enough to get into these programs , that’s not the issue, we will figure it out, but trust and believe you are not going to that school and I was like “okay”, so where am I going to go? I think a big part of it was my mom waylays wanted more from me and that was a very immigrant mentality. She was was like I came here so you can have the best, and I’m going to work hard so you can have that and she always made sure, that i was okay with that aspect.” 

Do you believe the grey area is temporary or permanent? 

•  “I think it is temporary. There are times where it is going to be a light cloud grey and there will be times it’s going to be a deep charcoal grey. I think we are all kinda wading through the idea of grayness but a lot of it is cause we are in it and not necessarily because it is there.  I think part of the grey area is not understanding your purpose. Not understanding to clearly see that vision for yourself and so I like to believe it is temporary and if it’s not. If it’s permanent then I’ll definitely stand by the fact that it does become, it does get cloudy gray and then it slowly becomes more black and white, even if it’s a little bit blurry and it slowly starts to form itself until you have that clear vision. Even if it’s a little bit hazy. “

When beginning college, what were your initial feelings and thoughts? 

• “Ooo I’m ready to go now, I don’t really remember what I did before the summer of college but I’m assuming as I was at home. I might have been at home working at CVS to be honest, and I was ready to go. I was like go ahead Mt. Vernon, peace the fuck out, Tufts was like my number one choice always.  I was excited, I had a little anxiety over the friendship situation but i was better at it by college cause I felt like I had people come up to me now like ‘oh hey’. “

Post- graduation, what were your feelings and thoughts? 

• “Undergraduate post-grad : I just kept thinking ‘I’m not going to get a job. Like why did I choose to be an English/women studies major? I need to go back to school but I don’t want to take the GRE. It was just a lot of anxiety about what the next steps were. I would say that piece of the grey area we talked about. Just not knowing anything, I mean anything coming that was coming my way, I was going to do it. I was really just applying to like all over the place and applying to these jobs that didn’t really make sense. I just felt hopeless and lost and I kept making a joke out of it. I was like I’m never going to have a job. Deep down I was like, man I’m never going to have a job.”

• “Masters post grad: It is a lot better. I went into it with the mentality, I’m not trying to work until September, anyways. I thought more about my finances to make sure I can get through the summer until September until I found a job. I was just a lot more rounded in my thinking and a lot more realistic as far as what do my degree qualify me for.”

Is your post-graduation timeline still the same? If not, what changed? 

• “You know what changed was the reality that I could not be a manager or a director at 22 years old. So I think once I became realistic about what my bachelor’s degree could get me and all this other stuff I think it started slowly shifting and changing. Upon graduating with my master’s I have been thinking what do I want my life to look like, do I want to just work or do I want to get a PhD or do I just want to be a director at a program. I’m just trying to figure that piece of it out. So yes, it’s changed a lot.”